The Heart Matters

Reflecting back on the past year at Riverwood, I see just how great a provision God had made for the Children’s Ministry. I am so grateful to the generosity of these fellow brothers and sisters in Christ – such hospitality that church has extended to us. I guess our ministry could be likened the distant relation that came to stay for a week and never left. It has all the makings of a Christian Broadcasting sitcom.

We had spacious classrooms where the kids could spread out and relax. There was even space available to set up stations – so that kids could move on from activity to activity. The brightly painted classrooms had adjoining bathrooms with child-sized toilets and vanities. (I gotta say those toilets were cutest commodes in town!) The OASIS ministry had never had such family-friendly accommodations – at least in the four or five years that my family had been attending NeoXenos. Things were pretty comfy. I was feeling settled.

OASIS had settled too. The parents and kids were familiar with the structure and tone of the meeting. Many new servants had entered into this ministry. The kids were truly benefiting from the facility that the Lord had provided. Many teachers were getting excited about serving these kids and the kids were truly feeling loved. This was splendid growth!

This ministry was growing in numbers too – soon a nursery would be needed. New parents were willing to step in and form a new classroom. The Lord has been so good to us and our children. The possibilities were increasing.

Botta bing, botta boom!

They still are in spite of the apparent monkey wrench that has been thrown into our midst. Currently, we are unable to use Riverwood’s facility. Ok, this can be a huge problem considering that the third grade through preschool aged kids met there. That was where they met together. That was where they played together. That was where they grew together.

At first look, this can seem to be a huge obstacle. A closer look reveals the possibilities – the potential for growth – relational growth and personal investment. It reveals an investment that is not just for the teachers and the parents – but one that is for the kids – both with one another and for their non-Christian friends.

A while back, I proposed what I called Backyard Bible Clubs as a summer group for the OASIS ministry. I believe that we can glean many of the concepts of that proposal and develop a small group format for the elementary aged boys and girls.

The format would follow many of the ideas behind Girl Scouts and Boys Scouts – meaning same sex small groups – lead by adults, either the parents or a willing mentor – like many of our OASIS teachers. Bible teachings would be central to the night and the kids’ friends are encouraged to attend.

These small groups could meet bi-weekly with a combined monthly group activity. These group activities could be service oriented as well as fun. We could have parties where we make things for people, or have field trips where we learn about some aspect of our community or even about other cultures. The idea would be to go out into the community.

This is just an idea. Nothing is set in stone. Who knows what the Lord will do in the next several days, weeks and months. But if the Lord wills that we move in this direction, I say bring it on. Let’s transform the OASIS program to a more personal and dynamic ministry.

Sure, it will not have to same familiar format. Things will be messy at first, but hey – people are messy and kids are especially messy. God is into change – He is always moving. If this is the direction that He is choosing to go, let’s not try to row upstream. Rather let’s allow the living waters take us where He wants to go. Think of the possibilities for building closer relationships among the kids, their friends and with their parents.

So, what do you guys think? I really have little idea what the ramifications are of what I am proposing. What are the obstacles to such a change?  Nonetheless, I am willing to consider, to plan and to hopefully build something amazing – something only God is able to do through His Body.

This would be an endeavor of the Body – so what do you all think?

Please post your feedback here.

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For weeks my heart has been heavy – the weight of my sorrow has been increasing, but what exactly is the source of this grief. I am not certain.

The phrase “failure to thrive” resonates within my head. Thoughts reverberating -  my mind wearied as images and perceptions are smashed against the bone of my skull. I am exhausted as failure thrives.

Memories of a failed relationship grip my heart. I see shadows and ghosts that reveal themselves in the dark corners. Darkness encroaches and unresolved conflict remains. Perhaps is it no longer perceived as conflict – because the feeling is gone. Perhaps nothing remains. Thus, the terror intensifies. This is heart ache.

I once had a dear friend – she and I were as different as the day is from night. I was loud, jovial and loved adventure. She was quieter, deep-thinking and goal-oriented. We even looked very different. I was the strawberry-blonde, vivacious girl of summer while she was the intense brunette who expressed herself best through her art.

I loved this woman. Well, at least I tried to love her. At times I think I successfully loved her. We were college roommates, ministry house buddies, and we shared many of our most joyful and sorrowful moments. We celebrated as she became engaged, and then wept bitterly upon hearing that her fiancée had hung himself. My poor, dear friend.

I asked her to be my maid of honor at my wedding – she accepted. We really did have many amazing times together. Even after I married we would get together – not as frequently as I ought or she needed. I recall one day that we did laundry together and watched Anne of Green Gables.

She told me that I always reminded her of Anne or of Laura Ingles – smart but explosive – a reactor with drive. I wonder if she knew how much that meant to me. I still cannot watch Little House or Anne of Green Gables without thinking of my friend – without crying. You see, I miss her.

My dear friend and I had this little problem – which grew into a huge horrible monster – devouring all in its wake. So many things were lost – relationships, unity and finally the entire small group of 10. (Small groups were a new “wine skin” that was put into practice in Xenos Columbus in the early 1990’s. They were to replace the Home Church structure.) The greatest loss, other than my friend, was the scarring on my heart which nearly made it impossible for me to be willing to love again. I was so afraid and discouraged – to the point of despair and of depression.

What happened (as best as I can explain) is this. My friend did not feel loved by me – I am sure some of that was legitimate – after all I was quite the silly, ego-centric infantile. She became visibly upset and hostile towards me in our small group and cell group settings. She would glare at me from across the floor or table – where ever we were – it did not matter.

The crazy bizzaro thing is that – she never told me verbally that I had hurt her. So, I decided that I would just let the “little baby sulk.” I decided that it was her problem and that she could just deal with her bad feelings and could come and talk with me. To be fair to her – I know I probably did something – but I did not actually know what the offense was.

The most shocking part of this story is not that two infantile women went at each other (in silence) – but what the Body of Christ did and did not do. That Body allowed us to come to meetings unresolved. She would glare and I would act  warm and friendly – oblivious to her pouting. I enjoyed acting like we were just fine. It was funny to see her tantrum in silence.

Not one person confronted either one of us. In fact, I later found that she went to the other women in my small group and talked to them and that they all agreed that I was not really her friend and that she could write me off.

I did not find this out until months later when I finally went to my friend to repent. I realized that I was in “sin” and had hurt her and that we were affecting the church. I hoped to reconcile. She informed me that she had forgiven me, but that we had never been friends so what was the point in pretending to be friends.

The relationship failed to thrive. As a result I failed to thrive and became as one dead. I was devastated. It took an enormous toll on my Christian walk. I ceased to grow. Not only did I lose a friend, I felt as if I could not trust the women in my cell. I locked my heart and threw away the key.

So why does this past failure weigh so heavily on my heart? Why now? My life and my sin is not unique. Relationships are so messy and sticky and we are guaranteed to hurt one another. There will always be people in our lives who are different from us and yet we are called by God to love them.

We as believers do not have the right to continue in sin against our brothers or sisters. As individuals we must repent. Our sin is like yeast and it will spread to others. Sin takes on a life all of its own. My home group disintegrated – it started with the conflict of two people – yet everyone got caught up in the fury of the storm.

As a body of believers, we must encourage one another so that we persevere in love and so that the deceitfulness of sin may not harden our hearts. If someone is hating someone else, go and talk to them. They may be able to be won.

Looking back on my broken friendship, I am so grieved. It did not have to end that way. We should have remained dear friends. Or at least friends.

So what causes a failure to thrive? In medicine this term refers to infants that do not put on weight or who do not grow as expected. Researchers believe that a cause is inadequate nutrition.

What feeds a believer? Scripture say it is:

…man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD. – Deuteronomy 8:3

If we are not engaged in our word – getting fed – getting nourished we will not thrive – we will not grow – our development will be arrested. We cannot speak into someone else’s life when we are malnourished ourselves. We have to get fed. Plain and simple.

So what causes failure – to thrive? Not seeking out the Lord and his incite – not seeking out advice from mature brothers and sisters.We need to talk to others and to be open about problems and to be willing to hear things that we may not like. Things like:

“Hey, Lisa you are pretty evil – pretending that there is not a problem in your  relationships.”

“How can you say that you love God – when you obviously hate your sister.”

“How can you minister to others – when you are a deceived hypocrite?”

Oh – how I wish that someone had rebuked me in love – the goal to not only restore the relationship between my old roomie and I  – but also to build and transform my character. Oh how I long to be united in love with her – perhaps in glory – when every tear is wiped away – I will be able to stand face to face with her and rejoice that now we are unified – that all the silly barriers of the past have dissipated.

But for now – my heart bears the weight of that sorrow – of relational separation. What Jen and I meant for evil – God has used it for good. I now see so clearly that it is worth fighting for people and relationships. That love must prevail over fear and hate – oh that sin had not clouded my sight – oh that our relationship was restored,

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