While I was stilling pondering the depths of my ingratitude and discontent, James continued. He knew that I needed “skills”. He knew I had a whining and ungrateful, even accusing heart. He understood I needed to clean house.

He encouraged me first with a reminder that those who outwardly suffer – especially for the name of Christ – will receive a special crown – the splendid “crown of life.”  This crown is a reward for those who put Christ first in their lives – who have an active love relationship with Him and through Him.  It is given to those who sacrifice their lives for Jesus’s sake. Then, he turned his focus inwards toward the condition of my heart. I don’t think James liked what he saw.

I needed to clearly understand some things about the holiness of God and my own corrupt nature aside from God. You see – I am a complainer – a whiner to the “nth degree.” But I like to finger point at others, even God, when I do wrong things or when bad things happen. James took issue with this – he wanted me complete and mature – lacking nothing. I needed true understanding.

When I sin, I like to place the blame elsewhere. I blame anyone and everyone expect me – even God himself. Let’s say I am lonely. I am in a strange, new town. I have no real friends.  I meet some guy and decide to hook up for the night. The next day or so I feel regret or shame at my actions, but instead of taking responsibility for my act – I accuse God. I reason, “Well, God, you put me here in this town where I have no money, no friends, and besides – life has been hard.  My parents are divorced and my mother hits me and I had to get away from them.  So, I had to sleep with that guy because You don’t love me – You put me in this situation – It’s your fault. I needed to be loved.

Or, let’s say you have 4 boys in 5 1/2 years and no one helped you – at least not enough. You had to be shut in your home with one son with a poor immune system (Spewy), one that never slept (The Alien), one that destroyed your home on a regular basis (Chompy) and screamed frequently, oh, and one you didn’t even ask for (Not again).  You weep and cry and accuse God.  You tell Him that he gave you these children and that it is His fault you can’t love or care for others.  It is His fault that your ministry has dried up and that all your good friends – the few you have – are going to the mission field. It His fault you are alone again. So He’d better fix it.

James interrupted my rant. He put the responsibility back on my shoulders. He explained God’s nature to me.  “God does not tempt.” It is not in His nature.  My evil desires are what are the source of my temptations; my intense desire to satisfy my lust is the source of my sin; I want it so I take it. 

He was right on target – my desire to live a self life – an easy street life was the source of my sin. A life lived in pursuit of self does end in death – it is empty – it is lifeless – it is dead.  Living life of sin and ingratitude is like being a zombie – seeking someone’s warm flesh to feed on, not caring that you are sucking the very life from them. I had done this. Was I still feeding off other’s living flesh?

Be grateful! You have be so deceived, Lisa. Everything, and I mean everything, that is good and has been given to you. It is from God. He gave you more than you realize and not just the good things you enjoy in this life – living in America, your education, your health, your kind and supportive husband, your children, your house – and yes, even your harsh mother who fed you and loved you. (Yes, she did love you and give you good things.) Well, all those things came from God and you deserved none of it!

God is good! He was good in the beginning, now, and will be tomorrow. He is so good that He has given you new life.  You are alive in Christ – Miss Whiny Pants. Chew on that for awhile! You actually deserve to remain in death, but now you are alive in Christ.  You are in God’s Family now. So act like you are apart of His family and be grateful!

Gratitude – a thankful heart- these are attitudes I can have at times.  There a many more times where I am still clinging to my perceived rights – I am entitled! I want my stuff! I want! I want! 

Though I am bound up with an inner struggle of desires, I am thankful for the goodness and mercy of God.  He shows me with what He has blessed me.  The clutter is removed from my heart. The haze clears from my eyes. I am thankful for my life and what God has given to me - my children (each one of them), my husband, my mini-van, my kitchen-aid mixer, even for this annoying cold which has kept me home with James. I have been given so much now - here on this earth.  I should be jumping in the streets praising God and sharing my joy! Dare I model David who unabashedly danced for joy in the streets of Jerusalem.

Yes, I should be sharing my joy! Perhaps I’ll leave the dancing to David.

One thing that stood out to me as I spent time with James is that he spoke with authority – much like a father speaks to his children – firm and loving. This makes sense as he was one of the “pillars” of the early church.  He had a lot of responsibility on his shoulders – he had a lot a kids to look after. The church was increasing in numbers daily and that church was spread here and there.  He had kids that hadn’t even been born as of the writing of this letter – kids like me – prideful and unruly.

I thought that I knew better than he. In spite of my egocentric focus, he warmly addressed me, calling me one of the brethren. I belonged to his family. Like a good head of the house, he decided it was time that we talked – about the direction my life was headed – he only wanted me to grow – become complete – able to handle myself well – to become an adult “lacking nothing.” I found it both difficult to concentrate on his words and yet transfixed to his every word.

He knew I’d experienced some rough times. Some hardships were as result of my arrogant sin; others just plain ignorance and immaturity.  Yet still others, were a result of falling under the stress and pressure of life. He loved me to much to allow me to continue on this easy and lazy path. I was floundering about running from one quick fix to another. It was time for James-style boot camp.

He knew so much about me even though we never met. He encouraged me. He knew I had suffered through many things. He knew I had many disappointments. It was hard to raise four sons well, to learn how to raise sons who had disabilities, to accept that God loved me unconditionally.  He knew I struggled with faith.  That I was torn between trusting in the world to “fix” my children and trusting that God loved both my children and I and that He would care for us. God would tend to my children and their real needs. James saw into my dark and doubting heart and knew I was afraid to trust God with my children. He knew my heart was divided. He knew I needed God’s wisdom and to accept God’s provision.

James knew I had a personal problem with his brother Jesus.  He wanted me to tell Jesus what I needed to understand in the midst of my turmoil or what I wanted in life. Then he wanted me to believe that Jesus cared and would grant me what I asked.  He knew I struggled with doubt. But there was Jesus standing at his side just waiting for me to fully trust Him and to believe that he gives generously. I wish in would have invited James into my home years earlier. I wished I would have been forthright with Jesus.

Now, these struggles I described have been on going – for nearly seven years. Two years ago I finally decided to stop fighting and trusting the world to “fix” my sons.  I decided to trust Jesus with them and their needs. I decided to follow Jesus and to spend my time getting to know Him better. I started to ask Jesus to meet specific needs – a friend for Seth – emotional stability for Noah. I quit running from doctor’s visit to doctor’s visit. I still meet with professionals, but I do not put my faith in their ability to heal my sons.  I do however trust Christ with their needs. James could have told me I was on the right path.

Today, I am in awe of how generous and loving Christ is.  Not because of anything I have or have not done, but because of what He has accomplished for my sons-for the life He has granted me. Seth has a friend – more than one; Noah no longer threatens to kill himself and seems to handle daily social interactions better.  These kids still have real obstacles and trials in their lives.  Peers can be quite cruel.  God is most merciful.

I know that God does give understanding and wisdom to those who ask.  He granted me understanding to accept my sons for who they are – instead of fretting over who they are not. James was waiting for years to give me this insight. I’m glad I finally spent some time with him. I’m glad I am learning to trust Christ as Lord.

Last week I was suffering with a lingering cold and cough; nothing serious, but it was making life unpleasant. I had been fighting this virus for weeks. Sick and tired, just plain exhausted, I stayed home.  I spent that week with two guys – we spent hours together each day. My head foggy from cold tabs – I listened intently (well at least I was trying to listen) as James and Jesus spoke.

They had a lot to say. I wasn’t sure if I appreciated the time they spent with me – I had a lot of chores and postponed projects to attend. In spite of my protests, I decided to entertain them and open my mind and even my heart to what they were saying. I was surprised and convicted by their words – I was also encouraged and compelled to action. I had been drafted into “The James Gang”.

Yes, I took on the challenge of studying the Letter of James. I questioned whether this particular letter was worth all the time and energy to study.  Besides, what’s up with that James guy.  I have a Lutheran background and every good Lutheran knows that James is suspect and contrary to the “fide sola” of Paul. Every good Protestant knows that you don’t need works to be justified and deemed righteous before the Lord. 

James-sure, his letter made the canon, but it is not that important to sound doctrine.  In fact, isn’t it just plain trouble? Just focus on Paul, Peter and John to gain a clear understanding of the Christian walk. 

Wasn’t James just the uptight little brother of Jesus?  He obviously had unresolved personal ”issues”.  Imagine, growing up with Jesus and rejecting His ministry, only to find that your crazy older brother is indeed the promised Messiah (after Jesus was raised from the dead) and that you were the one who didn’t “get it”. Yeah, that could lead to some unresolved issues.

With reservations, I opened up my home to these two guys.  I looked around the room.  It was cluttered with dust, dirty socks, and bowls of half eaten chicken soup. I had to make room  both for them and for what they said.

What they shared was so amazing, I had to pass it on. So, I am going to put it down in this and future blogs.  I discovered a lot about how God views people and how serious God is about love – especially when it comes to loving other people.  I discovered that I have a lot to learn about faith and having a grateful heart. What’s really ironic is James is not the one with unresolved issues-I am.

Come along and see for yourself how spending a week or even just a hour or two with these guys can rock your world. Today I see myself differently.  I see people differently. I see God differently. I hope you will see me differently too. I’m not saying that I totally “get it”-but I do understand more than I did.  Maybe my head wasn’t really foggy from that cold tab – maybe its been that way all along.