The Heart Matters

Sin – James was not finished addressing the fact that sin was the source of my true problems while I struggled through various trials in my life.  He knew following a lot of rules was my tendency.  He knew that I didn’t perceive the real threat to living a righteous life – that threat was not from external difficulties, but it was from deep within me. It was my sin.  I should be more concerned with my sin than how to ”just to get along” with others.

James knew that I am a lover of the law! Oh yeah – Good Old Law Loving Lisa.  I love lists; I make them. I check them twice.  I even check off who’s been naughty or nice.  And see how jolly I am! With a list to follow, I don’t have to think or wrestle with anything. 

Lists are hard to maintain, but they can be effective – to the point of utter exhaustion and isolation. And yet, I love to make those check marks, “See what I have accomplished – see what violations he committed.”

Once again James affirms that I am apart of God’s family – he exhorts me as one of the brethren. I must be certain that I know somethings about God if I am to live the life that Christ desires me to live. I must know and understand the word or dare I say the “law” to become complete and to live victoriously through various trials.

Oh, good, James is going to give me some material for my list. I grab my pen and jot them down:

Listen – I can do that

Don’t talk so much – let others speak; think about what they are saying before you speak – Needs work.

Don’t get angry so easily – lighten up – Needs a lot of work

Okay now I have my list – I’ve checked it over.  I have some work a head of me – Time to make some goals and then evaluate my progress at a later date. Oh yeah and notice where others fail in these areas so that I feel good about myself. Check.

Oh, the List goes on. James points out lots of other issues and dirt that I need to take care of.  Check. Then he points to the word – the word that is planted in me – the word that has been spliced into me like a graft is cut into a tree. That plant takes on new characteristics and traits. My life should have new characteristics and traits as well. Check. But wait, did it?

Once again I have been living a life of deception – I believe that doing these things will make me righteous in the eyes of God. Did I forget that I am now one of God’s first fruits? What didn’t I understand? James wanted to give me understanding – but I had a lot of work to do.

He sums up what I must know:

“But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it—he will be blessed in what he does.”

I needed to search the scriptures – God’s word – if I am to understand and to have victory.  Rather than being like a man who gazes into a mirror and forgets what he saw I am to gaze into the Lord’s word.  I need to delve into scripture on my own and “toil” at comprehending it and digesting it. I must “look intently.”

Alarm bells went off in my head. “But, James, I am busy dealing with these difficulties. My kids are unruly, my relationship with  my mother is barely existent, my father is physically ailing, oh yeah – who is going to cook and clean and put up Halloween decorations. It’s October – James – and Halloween is just around the corner! I DON’T HAVE TIME TO STUDY THE WORD OR SEARCH IT!

Okay, maybe I could read a book or review some scripture and maybe even a few word studies – but come on James.  You say that I need to continue to study this passage -  need to stay in my word continually – on my own! What the heck are the teachers and Christian radio for?  That’s why we have Christian book stores – so that I don’t have to do the work.  I don’t have time to toil in the word! That’s your job.

Not forgetting?Forgetting what? The word – I can barely remember where I put my keys or my glasses. I was lucky that I remember to go to Noah’s IEP meeting. So what if I can’t remember what the word says exactly. I kind of get it.  I’m sure my life won’t be affected that much.  Besides there’s always grace.  God accepts me as I am.  I’ll think about what I read later.  I’m sure God will help me to recall it when I need that tid-bit.

Doer of action? I live out the word in my deeds – well usually – well often – well sometimes – well not on hard days – well when it’s convenient. Okay, I have a serious problem with this – but again – who doesn’t – everyone sins. So what?

Yes, I do have a problem with sin and its not that I am a sinner and its not even that I hurt other people when I sin (even though that is a bad thing) - it is that I don’t have a problem with my sin.  I have grown accustomed to it – I am not offended by it.  That is the danger of sin. That you are comfortable with it, that you don’t abhor it, that you hide that you sin with those LISTS.

James wants me to be free – free to live the righteous life that God desires – he knows that without understanding how God sees my sin. How a life focused on self leads to death. He wants me to be full of joy in the midst of my suffering and to not use my hardships as a license to behave poorly – or more plainly put to SIN!

Without building my faith on the firm foundation of God’s truth – I would fail to live a righteous – victorious – fulfilled – transformed life.  James understood what Christ had taught him – James wanted me to understand it as well. James obviously knew the teaching of Christ. His words reflect the Sermon on the Mount. James wanted me to have the truth or word or the moral law at my side so that I could be encouraged to live and love others as Christ taught.  Not a pharisical lifestyle of utter adherence to the law, but a lifestyle marked by willing obedience to submit to the moral law motivated by a thankful heart, a heart filled with the joyous understanding of grace.

I decided to make another list. This list was full of ugly things – things that I wanted to keep locked in the closet.  I listed my sins. I recalled how I’d hurt those around me, how I’d taken and lied, how I’d hated and planned murder in my heart. This list was abhorrent to view. I gazed at it.  I did not want to forget with I’d been forgiven. I never want to forget what I have been and will continue to be forgiven.

God is good.  Paul got it that he’d been forgiven such great things.  He never forgot the mercy of Christ – that God loved him first. He understood just how great a thing he’d been forgiven until the end of his life.  Paul knew just how good God is and how corrupt he was.  He never forgot and had joy in the midst of his ordeals. He never lost his thankful heart.

I held my list of sins in my hand.  I thought burning it up – never to see it again.  How awesome a gift God has given me – all these things have been paid for; I don’t owe a debt for my sin – but I do owe a debt of gratitude to Christ.  I do want to live for Him and through Him.  My life is in Him now. I desire my will to become more in line with what His will is.

It is amazing how free I am  (or at least freer now than years ago) - I am free to fail and to still be loved.  I don’t have to do anything to be acceptable to the Lord.  I am acceptable.  I am approved! But at the same time I am committed to Christ. I want to follow Him – I want to be perfected – I want to lack nothing – I want to become complete. Now that’s one fine list.

I guess some things are good to want.  Perhaps not all lists are bad.

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While I was stilling pondering the depths of my ingratitude and discontent, James continued. He knew that I needed “skills”. He knew I had a whining and ungrateful, even accusing heart. He understood I needed to clean house.

He encouraged me first with a reminder that those who outwardly suffer – especially for the name of Christ – will receive a special crown – the splendid “crown of life.”  This crown is a reward for those who put Christ first in their lives – who have an active love relationship with Him and through Him.  It is given to those who sacrifice their lives for Jesus’s sake. Then, he turned his focus inwards toward the condition of my heart. I don’t think James liked what he saw.

I needed to clearly understand some things about the holiness of God and my own corrupt nature aside from God. You see – I am a complainer – a whiner to the “nth degree.” But I like to finger point at others, even God, when I do wrong things or when bad things happen. James took issue with this – he wanted me complete and mature – lacking nothing. I needed true understanding.

When I sin, I like to place the blame elsewhere. I blame anyone and everyone expect me – even God himself. Let’s say I am lonely. I am in a strange, new town. I have no real friends.  I meet some guy and decide to hook up for the night. The next day or so I feel regret or shame at my actions, but instead of taking responsibility for my act – I accuse God. I reason, “Well, God, you put me here in this town where I have no money, no friends, and besides – life has been hard.  My parents are divorced and my mother hits me and I had to get away from them.  So, I had to sleep with that guy because You don’t love me – You put me in this situation – It’s your fault. I needed to be loved.

Or, let’s say you have 4 boys in 5 1/2 years and no one helped you – at least not enough. You had to be shut in your home with one son with a poor immune system (Spewy), one that never slept (The Alien), one that destroyed your home on a regular basis (Chompy) and screamed frequently, oh, and one you didn’t even ask for (Not again).  You weep and cry and accuse God.  You tell Him that he gave you these children and that it is His fault you can’t love or care for others.  It is His fault that your ministry has dried up and that all your good friends – the few you have – are going to the mission field. It His fault you are alone again. So He’d better fix it.

James interrupted my rant. He put the responsibility back on my shoulders. He explained God’s nature to me.  “God does not tempt.” It is not in His nature.  My evil desires are what are the source of my temptations; my intense desire to satisfy my lust is the source of my sin; I want it so I take it. 

He was right on target – my desire to live a self life – an easy street life was the source of my sin. A life lived in pursuit of self does end in death – it is empty – it is lifeless – it is dead.  Living life of sin and ingratitude is like being a zombie – seeking someone’s warm flesh to feed on, not caring that you are sucking the very life from them. I had done this. Was I still feeding off other’s living flesh?

Be grateful! You have be so deceived, Lisa. Everything, and I mean everything, that is good and has been given to you. It is from God. He gave you more than you realize and not just the good things you enjoy in this life – living in America, your education, your health, your kind and supportive husband, your children, your house – and yes, even your harsh mother who fed you and loved you. (Yes, she did love you and give you good things.) Well, all those things came from God and you deserved none of it!

God is good! He was good in the beginning, now, and will be tomorrow. He is so good that He has given you new life.  You are alive in Christ – Miss Whiny Pants. Chew on that for awhile! You actually deserve to remain in death, but now you are alive in Christ.  You are in God’s Family now. So act like you are apart of His family and be grateful!

Gratitude – a thankful heart- these are attitudes I can have at times.  There a many more times where I am still clinging to my perceived rights – I am entitled! I want my stuff! I want! I want! 

Though I am bound up with an inner struggle of desires, I am thankful for the goodness and mercy of God.  He shows me with what He has blessed me.  The clutter is removed from my heart. The haze clears from my eyes. I am thankful for my life and what God has given to me - my children (each one of them), my husband, my mini-van, my kitchen-aid mixer, even for this annoying cold which has kept me home with James. I have been given so much now - here on this earth.  I should be jumping in the streets praising God and sharing my joy! Dare I model David who unabashedly danced for joy in the streets of Jerusalem.

Yes, I should be sharing my joy! Perhaps I’ll leave the dancing to David.

Additional Information

James had a lot of fatherly wisdom to offer. He also had quite a bit to say about hypocrisy within the body of Christ. I was stunned when he talked about the partiality going on among his fellow brothers.  What kind of schmucks was he addressing? He certainly didn’t mean me. I stared, mouth agape, aghast at the accusation made. 

The rich were given preferential seating in meetings while the poor were directed to stand “over there.” This hardly applies to me or my community of believers. But then something deep inside winced.  Okay, so I don’t openly show such disregard for those of lower status, but what about my heart attitude.  Don’t I admire those with spacious homes? Don’t I clamor for attention from those in high positions?  Don’t I desire and seek their approval? I had to agree with James, this partiality does linger in my heart.

Oh, but I am kind to those who are disadvantaged. I say kind words to them and I tell them I will pray for them and their circumstances.  But do I desire and seek their attention? Do I clamor for their attention and company?  I had to say “No, just move along – remain from my sight.” It was a bitter pill to swallow.

Then, I pondered other “unseemlies” who I wished to avoid – the old lonely grandmother, the broken old man, the unstable collegiate. Who do I gravitate towards when the body assembles? The stable, the fun, the wise, the educated, the beautiful and yes the rich.

James’ words penetrated my shallow and hardened heart. I tried to avoid his convicting gaze.  I contemplated my own assemblies and thought, “Surely no one else suffers from this malady, this corrupting disease.” Or do they? Could others be as deceived as I?  Possibly. It was quite possible.

Okay, I see. We are all on equal standing before the Lord.  We all have great wealth – a restored relationship with the Creator – eternal rewards are set before us.

So, why have I wasted so much time fantasizing about more money, power and vocational success?  Why do I still dream of that inviting family room and that summer of Western adventures? Why is so much of my life caught up in things that have no eternal merit – things that will perish?

Why is it, James, when I turn on the tv and watch HGTV I want to run to Lowe’s or Home Depot? Is my mind set on equality in the family of God?

James starts to tell of the fate of the blossoms in the desert. The plant withers in the heat of day and the beauty of the flower fades. So it is with the rich and their pursuit of wealth. Huh? An agricultural lesson.

Not really just a beautiful metaphor for how worldly wealth ends – withered and gone -not withstanding or lasting into eternity.  He changed topics once more. I know he expects me to answer my own questions and bring them to the Lord.  He expects me to seek understanding through faith.

Additional Information

One thing that stood out to me as I spent time with James is that he spoke with authority – much like a father speaks to his children – firm and loving. This makes sense as he was one of the “pillars” of the early church.  He had a lot of responsibility on his shoulders – he had a lot a kids to look after. The church was increasing in numbers daily and that church was spread here and there.  He had kids that hadn’t even been born as of the writing of this letter – kids like me – prideful and unruly.

I thought that I knew better than he. In spite of my egocentric focus, he warmly addressed me, calling me one of the brethren. I belonged to his family. Like a good head of the house, he decided it was time that we talked – about the direction my life was headed – he only wanted me to grow – become complete – able to handle myself well – to become an adult “lacking nothing.” I found it both difficult to concentrate on his words and yet transfixed to his every word.

He knew I’d experienced some rough times. Some hardships were as result of my arrogant sin; others just plain ignorance and immaturity.  Yet still others, were a result of falling under the stress and pressure of life. He loved me to much to allow me to continue on this easy and lazy path. I was floundering about running from one quick fix to another. It was time for James-style boot camp.

He knew so much about me even though we never met. He encouraged me. He knew I had suffered through many things. He knew I had many disappointments. It was hard to raise four sons well, to learn how to raise sons who had disabilities, to accept that God loved me unconditionally.  He knew I struggled with faith.  That I was torn between trusting in the world to “fix” my children and trusting that God loved both my children and I and that He would care for us. God would tend to my children and their real needs. James saw into my dark and doubting heart and knew I was afraid to trust God with my children. He knew my heart was divided. He knew I needed God’s wisdom and to accept God’s provision.

James knew I had a personal problem with his brother Jesus.  He wanted me to tell Jesus what I needed to understand in the midst of my turmoil or what I wanted in life. Then he wanted me to believe that Jesus cared and would grant me what I asked.  He knew I struggled with doubt. But there was Jesus standing at his side just waiting for me to fully trust Him and to believe that he gives generously. I wish in would have invited James into my home years earlier. I wished I would have been forthright with Jesus.

Now, these struggles I described have been on going – for nearly seven years. Two years ago I finally decided to stop fighting and trusting the world to “fix” my sons.  I decided to trust Jesus with them and their needs. I decided to follow Jesus and to spend my time getting to know Him better. I started to ask Jesus to meet specific needs – a friend for Seth – emotional stability for Noah. I quit running from doctor’s visit to doctor’s visit. I still meet with professionals, but I do not put my faith in their ability to heal my sons.  I do however trust Christ with their needs. James could have told me I was on the right path.

Today, I am in awe of how generous and loving Christ is.  Not because of anything I have or have not done, but because of what He has accomplished for my sons-for the life He has granted me. Seth has a friend – more than one; Noah no longer threatens to kill himself and seems to handle daily social interactions better.  These kids still have real obstacles and trials in their lives.  Peers can be quite cruel.  God is most merciful.

I know that God does give understanding and wisdom to those who ask.  He granted me understanding to accept my sons for who they are – instead of fretting over who they are not. James was waiting for years to give me this insight. I’m glad I finally spent some time with him. I’m glad I am learning to trust Christ as Lord.

Additional Information

Last week I was suffering with a lingering cold and cough; nothing serious, but it was making life unpleasant. I had been fighting this virus for weeks. Sick and tired, just plain exhausted, I stayed home.  I spent that week with two guys – we spent hours together each day. My head foggy from cold tabs – I listened intently (well at least I was trying to listen) as James and Jesus spoke.

They had a lot to say. I wasn’t sure if I appreciated the time they spent with me – I had a lot of chores and postponed projects to attend. In spite of my protests, I decided to entertain them and open my mind and even my heart to what they were saying. I was surprised and convicted by their words – I was also encouraged and compelled to action. I had been drafted into “The James Gang”.

Yes, I took on the challenge of studying the Letter of James. I questioned whether this particular letter was worth all the time and energy to study.  Besides, what’s up with that James guy.  I have a Lutheran background and every good Lutheran knows that James is suspect and contrary to the “fide sola” of Paul. Every good Protestant knows that you don’t need works to be justified and deemed righteous before the Lord. 

James-sure, his letter made the canon, but it is not that important to sound doctrine.  In fact, isn’t it just plain trouble? Just focus on Paul, Peter and John to gain a clear understanding of the Christian walk. 

Wasn’t James just the uptight little brother of Jesus?  He obviously had unresolved personal ”issues”.  Imagine, growing up with Jesus and rejecting His ministry, only to find that your crazy older brother is indeed the promised Messiah (after Jesus was raised from the dead) and that you were the one who didn’t “get it”. Yeah, that could lead to some unresolved issues.

With reservations, I opened up my home to these two guys.  I looked around the room.  It was cluttered with dust, dirty socks, and bowls of half eaten chicken soup. I had to make room  both for them and for what they said.

What they shared was so amazing, I had to pass it on. So, I am going to put it down in this and future blogs.  I discovered a lot about how God views people and how serious God is about love – especially when it comes to loving other people.  I discovered that I have a lot to learn about faith and having a grateful heart. What’s really ironic is James is not the one with unresolved issues-I am.

Come along and see for yourself how spending a week or even just a hour or two with these guys can rock your world. Today I see myself differently.  I see people differently. I see God differently. I hope you will see me differently too. I’m not saying that I totally “get it”-but I do understand more than I did.  Maybe my head wasn’t really foggy from that cold tab – maybe its been that way all along.

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