It Won! I Can’t Believe It!
Well - it happened again! I shouldn’t be surprised though. This is what happens when I get my hands on some sort of project - especially ones that belong to other people, namely my kids.
Henry had to enter a poster contest in school in honor of Earth Day. He had weeks to work on it and to plan out his poster. Each day I would remind him to work on it. He was always too busy or distracted to work on it.
Then Monday morning arrived - the morning of his deadline. I woke Henry early and had him work on his poster before school. He (or should I say “we”) had 15 minutes to work on it. I hurriedly sketched out a design and he placed the words on the paper. We scribbled colors into the shapes and finished the poster. I thought it was mediocre - at best. I sent him to school with both the poster and these words, “You’d better not win - you don’t deserve to win! If I had not helped, you would not have even have received school credit. You are lucky to not get a zero.”
At the time, I felt that the verbal scolding has some how “taught him a valuable lesson.” Ha! I am the one to learn a terrible lesson. My son now is receiving an award for something which he barely exerted any effort! School is a breeze for Henry, relationships come easy - oh, and now a poster contest! He won a position of five among 635 entrants. This is outrageous.
I am already struggling to reform this little monster - who has quite an amazing ego. He daily comes home with tales of his victories and great accomplishments. He sizes up his classmates - and I believe that he fully intends to make a play for the popular “in” crowd. I am aghast!
My inability to allow my eight year old son to suffer consequences of his choices is adding to his enormous ego! To parent or to lead someone is the ability to allow someone to fail and the grace to guide them and encourage them through their suffering. The loving thing is to allow your child to experience discipline and suffering.
The consequences of my actions and lack of forethought and planning on one cold, dark February morning, now have ramifications on this bright, sunny spring afternoon.
What makes this terrible is that Noah won this same contest - two years earlier. He worked hard on his poster and planned. I did help him with his lettering, but the work and concept were totally his. Noah actually worked towards his prize. Henry on the other hand did not.
In light of my failure, I am resolved to learn and to act with more wisdom. Today is the time to think, to plan and then to act!
21 Apr 2008 03:58 pm lbeech 3 comments
Yes, it does seems to me inconsistent to say, “You’d better not win…you deserve a zero” and then proceed to help him win and not get a zero!
But your resolve to “act with more wisdom” sounds very wise. Have you told his teacher it was actually your project?
OH snap, did you tell the teacher?
Well, here is the trouble with that. Henry did draw the shapes and wrote most of the words for the poster. I added one line at the bottom of the poster - a sort of slogan to explain the image he drew. I also helped color in the letters. Believe me they were not colored neatly.
It was not entirely accurate of me to state that he did not do the project. I added to it so that it looked complete.
I have made much progress with Henry over the past week; he works hard after school, does his work cheerfully and has turned the corner and it listening to me an showing me great respect. His change of behavior is in response to a discipline plan that I have been using for over one week. It is working. He is bearing with his punishment well - no tantrums!
I have decided to allow this to pass as he is demonstrating a change in attitude. It is partly that I feel that he did work - but all of the work was not his - like the slogan.
So I suppose I have decided to let this ride for now - unless he reverts to tantrums and fits, then I will bring down more severe punishment into his life.
As of now, he gets no tv, video games, computer time, and he must work from the time he gets home until dinner. Then he must go to bed early. I did not wish to punish him for behaving well.
I do plan on discussing this with him again; I do not as of yet plan on telling the teacher that I assisted.
Seriously - I aided most of my kids in elementary school.