Family Quandaries and Other Dirty Laundry

TOILETS…I never realized just how great a role they play in my life. The past several weeks I have had some pretty excellent potty times.

I know, this is totally too much information for you all -

All Hail the Porcelain Throne

especially when you understand that I am an adult and have been one for quite sometime, but please bear with me for just a few moments and I think you’ll begin to see why toilets have such importance.

I guess it first started about ten years ago in a Home Depot. Evan, Seth, Noah and I were shopping for some item for a home improvement project. I was wandering the aisles searching for just the right faucet for my new kitchen sink.  All three of the boys were at my side, or so I thought.  I turned the corner to find one of my sons, who shall remain nameless, sitting upon this porcelain throne. He was taking a “dump.”

I gathered all the children and waddled (I was about seven months pregnant with Henry) as quick as I could out of the store. We fled, not telling a soul what had happened until that fateful night in cell where I spilled the “beans.” 

Ever since that revealing evening, toilets have been making their presence known in my life. Perhaps, it is like some sort of “Ghost of Commode’s Past” haunting me and reminding me of my spineless ways - relentlessly mocking me with reminders of cowardice past. Or it could just be some odd coincidence?

Oh and those automatic flushing toilets - let me tell you - they have minds of their own. Those suckers flush on you at the most inopportune moments - leaving a startling freshness that only a bidet should offer. Anyway, some how the handicap guardians saw to it that I should suffer at their hands for always taking the handicap accessible stall. I was flushed and “that was that.”

The most precious thrones by far were the toilets that I encountered while in Kentucky during a recent retreat. Both the toilets at the hotel and the convention center were pristine as only the mother of four sons could understand. These seats appeared to never have been tainted by the christening of urine or dribbles of “pee-pee.”

I lingered just a moment and gazed into the pristine white paradise, not a stain to be seen.  At that moment, I understood a little something about heaven - right here on earth. I experience pure and simple joy - the pure and simple joy of undefiled porcelain!