Family Quandaries and Other Dirty Laundry

31486261#31486261 - A link to the Today show report on “outdated marriage.”

Upon reading the article, On marriage: Let’s call the whole thing off, a clever play on the song by George Gershwin, I am at a loss for words. Perhaps, it is not a loss of words, rather a sense of being slapped in the face with a piece of rotting meat. I am astonished. Marriage is no longer viable. It is outdated and unrealistic, not worth the time.

This was news to me, a mother of four sons, ages 15 through 9, married now for 18 years, most of which have been amazingly fulfilling and full of love. Sweat dripped from my brow as I calculated the time left for me in antiquated marriage. Two years until I wake up and file the papers. Gulp.

Author Sandra Tsing Loh, after 20 years of hard work as mother, companion, professional writer, household manager and “go-fer,” has decided to get a divorce. She laments that she just works too hard to attempt to put the romance back into a marriage that lost the heat long ago. Her marriage is not worth her effort. She hasn’t got time for the pain.

After counseling sessions and confessing an affair, not only has Ms. Loh opted for divorce, but she is now questioning the entire institution of marriage. Marriage is not worth it. This is not a view from an embittered divorcee, but rather the insight of the enlightened. She writes :

Why do we still insist on marriage? Sure, it made sense to agrarian families before 1900, when to farm the land, one needed two spouses, grandparents, and a raft of children. But now that we have white-collar work and washing machines, and our life expectancy has shot from 47 to 77, isn’t the idea of lifelong marriage obsolete?

Well, it seems that in many Western countries the notion of marriage is becoming less popular as statistics from the World Values Survey indicate, while Americans embrace marriage as “highly valued,” even though America has the highest divorce rate of any country. Ms. Loh points out that Americans have the highest view of marriage.

“Marriage is an outdated institution” than citizens of any other Western country surveyed (compare the U.S.’s tiny 10 percent with France’s 36 percent). We are also more religious — more Americans (60 percent) say they attend religious services once a month than do the Vatican-centric Italians (54 percent) or, no surprise, the laissez-faire French (12 percent). At the same time, Americans endure the highest divorce rate in the Western world. In short, although we say we love religion and marriage, Cherlin notes, “religious Americans are more likely to divorce than secular Swedes.”

So Americans are a marriage centric nation of individuals who embrace the values of monogamy in marriage as well as the pursuit of personal happiness. Loh observes that since Americans value individualism as well as happily-ever-after-marriage, these competing values result in divorce, which explains our country’s high divorce rate as compared to other nations.

Honestly, I found this argument intriguing, for she argues that our sense of the individual over community, or even family, contradicts the substance of marriage.  Hence, Americans are doomed to the grinding cycle of marriage, divorce, remarriage, divorce and so forth. It just isn’t worth it. Interesting concept, I suppose.

Then, Ms. Loh begins to share her observations with her core group of women friends, who all have been married for many years.Soon after Ms. Loh divorced and shared her enlightened perspective, that they too were considering to make the break from the bonds that imprison them. They too just don’t have the time to make their marriages work. Marriage and love relationships take work. Effort is required.

Far better to be happy as an individual and to arrange some sort of civil agreement with the baby-daddies. So long as the children are not disturbed and they have the security of a household where mom and dad come and go, no harm done. The kids are just fine. Just follow the rules. Rules do not require love. Rules make it easier - to make excuses - or to leave.

That's right ladies - you don't need a man.

This is where my brain pops forth from my skull. So, Ms. Loh and Company, since you and your gal pals all have white collar jobs, which equals wealth, you can purchase your freedom. You will have your home - apart from your ex and your kids. Your ex will need his separate place. Your children will have their fake - fairyland home where mom and dad come and go. I count three households, unless you and your ex share a pad.

This plan is economic disaster for anyone other than the wealthy, not to mention it is peculiar. So what you are really saying is that the wealthy can have their separate lives and marriage is outdated for them. The poor and undereducated, well, they must remain in outmoded marriage, even though it is supposedly biological torture - as humans only experience the sensation of chemical induced love for the max of four years.

Geez, after reading this article, I felt like I had just finished watching the HBO series Rome. Now that was a show full of debauchery - masses of intertwined flesh - the wealthy women had all the choices - plotting for power, using their bodies for gain. For them, marriage was a power play of position and political strategy. Personally, I am having difficulty seeing the difference from what Ms. Loh is proposing and what I witnessed in that series - moral and civil decline, not to mentioned the absence of  love.

So now the women’s movement is recruiting wives of modern wealth and education to leave their husbands, or heck, never marry. You reason, children only suffer harm when a string of men are introduced to them. Those children must bond with these men and, in turn, suffer repetitive emotional loss. Children thrive in a stable home where civility and rules are followed. Under your paradigm, love is not necessary, because love takes work.

A world without genuine loving relationships is what you postulate, Ms. Loh. A world where men and women do not sacrifice and work at love - is a world not worth living in. A world lived for self only - is a world without God. It is a world of death and decay. Maybe that’s why I felt as though I was hit in the face with rotten flesh - for that is what man and women are with out love.

The apostle Paul put it best in 1Cor 13: 1-3.

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Sometimes, we need to take a good look at ourselves and acknowledge that love takes work and it requires sacrifice that is other’s focused. I know that after reading this article, I am taking a good look at myself.

I use rules all the time to replace the work - the huge painful effort- that love requires. It is not easy - that is for sure, but is it genuine and it is alive. Love focused outwards is anything, but decayed. It is everything that is good.

Happy 18th anniversary, Steve. I love you more than when we first said “I do.”

Last week I attended a Catholic baptism for my nephew Dennison. I was really looking forward to meeting this newest addition to the Gerber clan, but I must admit I was also a bit apprehensive. My apprehension had nothing to do with potentially explosive interactions, quite familiar to the Gerbers and the Harnacks in attendance, rather what had unsettled me was knowing that soon I would be witnessing the rite of infant baptism, a practice that has confounded me since I first began actively reading the Bible for myself.

Being raised in the Lutheran church, infant baptism was a big deal for everyone in attendance. There was always the pre-ceremony build up. This small child was soon to be a member of God’s family. It was a big deal. God parents were selected and solemn vows were taken. The whole congregation would raise up their voices as one, reciting the words set before them in the service manual. I somehow believed that child would not have to burn in hell if death preceded adulthood. Adulthood somehow coincided with eighth grade confirmation. Hmm… It was not until I began to read scripture for myself that I questioned this practice.

A familiar ritual in many churches

But this day, I was attending my nephew’s baptism, not of the Lutheran Church, but of the Catholic Church. My brother’s wife is Catholic and he, I believe, still considers himself a Lutheran. I recall that he agreed to raise their children as Catholic so that he could be married in the Catholic Church. Honestly, this has always confounded me. How could someone agree to raise their kids in a faith that they themselves are not in agreement with? I never understood this.

But I have digressed from my point which is that infant baptism unsettles me as a Bible reading Christian, or at least this particular ceremony confounded me. Here are the things that really bothered me:

First, the lack of scripture used during this ritual. This bothered me the most. I mean, what or who is the authority or power behind this sacrament. The priest read from some liturgical material and talked a lot about the family of God and that this particular child was now somehow set free from being born into original sin. The priest mentioned that in some mysterious way that now this child contained “the Spirit in part” and that “upon confirmation the whole of the Spirit would either indwell or rest” upon my nephew.

This really confused me for several reasons:

One, how can one person have a part of the Spirit? Is not the Spirit, God Himself, a complete person? Can the Spirit just splinter part of Himself off to people and plant a “Spirit seed” that matures upon the rite of confirmation? Where was the scripture to support this view? Huh?

Two, is not baptism a witness of individual choice? Baptism, from what scripture shows, is a proclamation of what has already happened, meaning that the Spirit has already indwelled a believer. Baptism does not make one pure, as once was practiced in Israel through purification rites, rather a believer has already been made pure through the sacrifice that Christ made upon the cross. Baptism is a public testimony of what Christ has already done for someone who has made a choice to accept Him as Lord and Savior.

Three, how does the act of confirmation bestow the fullness of the Spirit? Again, is it not an act of faith to believe in Christ that makes one part of His family? All the reading and classes or rites can do nothing apart from faith. At least this is what I believe the scriptures to indicate.

A second thing that disturbed me about this baptism was that this particular priest did not even know my nephew. I suppose he knew my sister-in-law’s family, but she and my brother live in Colorado. Her local community or “church” did not participate in this “welcoming into the family of God.” It seemed strange to not have a ceremony in the community where you live. I guess it is like going back to your hometown to get married. I suppose the priest was welcoming my nephew into the universal body of Christ. It just seemed odd. To be fair though, they probably held the ceremony in Ohio because family could attend.

The final thing that bothered me had nothing to do with the baptism in itself. It had to do with knowing the difference between Lutherans and Catholics. Raised as a Lutheran, I know that Lutherans neither revere Saints nor do they consider Mary some sort of perpetual virgin with super intercessory powers. Yet, much to my dismay, my entire Lutheran family requested through liturgical response that Mary, St. Ambrose and a litany of other Saints “pray for them.”  (Say what!)

I thought that my eyes and ears were deceiving me. I mean - they were praying to dead people. Not to God - but to people. This was just wigging my world. I had always found some comfort that as a Lutheran, I had not prayed to people, except to Christ. I knew that Lutherans had some unfounded rituals - but LUTHERANS DO NOT PRAY TO SAINTS OR THE HOLY BLESSED MOTHER.

Why did this upset me the most? I suppose it hurt my pride. It also broke my heart. People will follow the crowd and do what everyone else is doing, even if they don’t agree. Or, maybe worse, they don’t even know why they do what they do. There is no substance to belief. It is all out of religious traditions, so respect some else’s traditions. Just do it - go along with it.

I suppose the ceremony was held in the right church after all. Not knowing anything about Saint Ambrose, I did a little reading up on his life. Here is a little quote from this venerable patron saint:

Ambrose - When in Rome...

“When I am at Rome, I fast on a Saturday; when I am at Milan, I do not. Follow the custom of the church where you are.”

His advice has remained in the English language as the saying, “When in Rome, do as the Romans do.” Following this advice, in Catholic “churches” pray to the Saints and when in a Lutheran “church,” do not pray to saints. Personally, I’d rather follow what Jesus did and pray directly to God.

^{Final thoughts on this church and its doctrine:}

• Scripture is not important - just listen to what the priest says and repeat after me.
• Listen to a watery and disconnected teaching about the family of God, making sure that Mary gets her floor time.
• Be sure to include the Lord’s Prayer - it counts as scripture and everyone knows it so no need to use the Bible.
• Ritual supercedes truth - so just follow along.
• Personal decision really don’t matter - ritual does.
• Saints have some sort of super intercessory powers, after death. You not only need the priest to intercede but also some long dead religious dudes.
• Visitors are encouraged to read along in rituals - even if they don’t believe what they are saying. Peer pressure make a nice ceremony.

To be fair to my brother and his family, I do not know what they personally believe. I am merely responding as an outside observer to what I witnessed and presenting the reasons that my family did not participate in the recitations.

Honestly, the church building was not overstated and had a subdued appearance. It did not have that high church feel. The picnic that was held afterwards was delightful and most pleasant. My only regret was that I wasn’t able to spend more time with my brother and his lovely family. I would just love to understand what they believe.

In San Diego, the right to gather in homes for fellowship and prayer is being called into question by the county government. Neighbors have filed complaints, citing parking problems and safety issues as the reason. Local officials agree. This group is a nuisance. They are breaking the rules.

Pastor David Jones claims that this small gathering of Christians does not qualify as large church assembly. “Full-blown” church services require permits which cost in the thousands of dollars. Pastor Jones believes that they are being unjustly harassed, even persecuted.

“We are talking about as little as five [people], a high meeting of 27, but on average 15,” explains Jones. “To find that the county says this is a code violation is really wrong.”

So, Pastor Dave has retained an attorney and could be taking this to federal court, if fines are enforced. He (as well as Miss California) are outraged - even shocked - that their first amendment rights are being violated. After all it’s America. Our rights are sacred. In fact, countless people have died and continue to die to preserve our Constitutional rights.

Stones of Arlington National Cemetery, white washed monoliths, bear witness

Arlington National Cemetery bears witness to the belief system that says, “Country First,” which is now a grassroots movement started by former POW John McCain.”  

We are at a moment of national crisis that will determine our future as a people and as a country. I have spent my life serving our nation and will continue to fight in order to right the path of our great country. America is worth fighting for. Nothing is inevitable here. We never give up. We never quit. We never hide from history. We make history.

Though many Christians would argue that God is first in their lives, fighting to preserve our national freedom is often at the heart of many conservative Christians. My own family has a long, distinguished military service record, a record I am very proud of, and yet, I question whether as Christians we should being so willing to take up the sword, or the lawyer, to defend our rights.

Why not stand firm and suffer the at the hands of an oppressive government? This pacifist approach, more often than not, wins the heart of watching world. Was it not the cruel torture and brutal crucifixions of the first Christ followers that moved the Roman world to compassion? Their undeserved suffering, moved hundreds upon thousands to embrace Christ as Lord. The spontaneous expansion of the “church” affirms this as fact. Did not our hearts weep for the Chinese as tanks bore down upon university students in Tiananmen Square?

In light of this perspective should not Pastor Jones and his congregation rejoice that they are suffering shame for Christ? Christ said:

“God blesses you when people mock you and persecute you and lie about you and say all sorts of evil things against you because you are my followers. Be happy about it! Be very glad! For a great reward awaits you in heaven. And remember, the ancient prophets were persecuted in the same way. Matthew 5:11-12

What blessings await you when people hate you and exclude you and mock you and curse you as evil because you follow the Son of Man. When that happens, be happy! Yes, leap for joy! For a great reward awaits you in heaven. And remember, their ancestors treated the ancient prophets that same way. Luke 6:22-23

Instead of whining and demanding  protection under the first amendment rights, should this congregation not continue to gather in neighborhoods, parks, and even more open venues? Be respectful, be faithful and be filled with joy. You are worthy to suffer for the name. Pastor Dave you should be dancing in the streets!

Being harassed and bullied never feels good. It is difficult. We just want to complain. We as humans instinctively defend our rights and privileges. If we are “dised,” we demand justice. However, as believers we are the no longer under the power and authority of the ruler of this world, who is Satan. We are part of the kingdom of God. We are the “called out ones.”  Romans 12:2 says, “We do not have to be conformed to the ways of this world, but we are continually transformed by the renewing of our minds.” We must learn to think in a radical, different way.

In this situation, the radical, yet loving stance, would be to continue to meet. If there are parking issues, try to be respectful of neighbors. Try car pooling. Explain why you believe what you believe, but do so out of humility and gentleness, not out of outrage or of haughty indignation. 

Above all be joy filled. Be so full of grace that it flows out from every pore of your person. Don’t go all legal on this issue. Just continue to meet, to pray, to fellowship, and to worship, in order to bring glory to God, so that all may be edified by the unity and love of the brethren.

So, pay to pray? Yes, there is a price to pay, but to pay a fine indicates assent that a law was broken. Has a law been broken? Perhaps. A better question is whose law may have been broken? Regardless, this small group should continue to meet for they are of the Kingdom of God. There may be consequences for such a pacifist response. Indeed, they should be willing to suffer the lawful consequences of continuing to gather.

Should they fight back? Peter and John were once confronted by the courts about preaching and teaching Christ crucified and raised:

But Peter and John replied, “Do you think God wants us to obey you rather than him? We cannot stop telling about everything we have seen and heard.” Acts 4:19-20

It is not a matter of fighting back. It is a matter of standing firm as members of the Kingdom of God. For as P&J stated so eloquently in Acts 4, we answer to Christ, not to men. What an honor, though uncomfortable, for this particular church to suffer for the name. Perhaps they should take note of how the early Christians in Acts 4 handled their civil harassment.

Peter and John return to their companions and retell of their trial before the high court. Upon hearing P&J’s tale, the believers raise their voices together and praise God. Unified in love and purpose, they acknowledge that these leaders were not against them, but rather these world leaders stand against Christ. They ask God to grant them ability to speak the Word with confidence.

They do not ask to get off from paying some penalty or for God to smite those terrible leaders. They ask they may speak the gospel with boldness. They aren’t all indignant that their rights as Americans were violated. They were not demanding justice. They merely desired to praise God and to preach him crucified and raised.

Guess what, immediately proceeding this event, this body of believers grew in both generosity and in numbers. This was a healthy, vibrant church. This is the opportunity set before this San Diego Fellowship.

So, am I shocked? Initially I shared Miss California’s angst, but an investigation of God’s word revealed the deeper truth. Peter said it best in 1Peter 4:12-13:

Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.

So if bringing glory and honor to God is the price to pay, then yes, we not only ought to pay to pray, but we should rejoice while in the midst of doing so.

Tags: featured

Star Trek, quite possibly the pre-summer blockbuster of the year, at least record sales indicate as it opened with $75.2 million in weekend ticket sales, has more to offer viewers than breath taking chills and thrills. It offers depth - on a spiritual level.

New Life to an Dying Franchise

Though fans, both old and new, are clamoring about the non-stop action, the special effects, and the snappy dialogue, as well as drooling over the actors and actresses who make up the smoking-hot, young cast, there’s just something about Kirk and Spock that demands attention (and it has nothing to do with how delicious they are in this film). This long awaited “reboot” has wet the appetite of a new generation of potential fans. The town is all abuzz with the talk of Star Trek.

(Warning: contains some small spoilers.)

Why all this talk? What is the huge draw for old and new fans? Why the renewed interest in a franchise that has been dying a slow and painful death for years?

The answer, in a word, is friendship. Although the timeline of the Star Trek universe has been altered through a single cataclysmic event, and what “has been” may now not be, destiny pulls the “original crew” together as Starfleet cadets. In spite of odds against it, these youths begin to form unexpected yet amazing friendships.

The tumultuous friendship between Kirk and Spock stands paramount from them all. Spock and Kirk are at odds before they even meet, as Kirk has cheated during a test simulation which Spock developed and programmed himself. A brash and reckless Kirk continually creates disorder and wrecks havoc in the life of the emotionally repressed (not to mention control freak) Spock. This tension builds throughout the rest of the movie. They are at odds. It seems that they will never build the friendship that existed in the alternate timeline.

This point is amplified in a scene where young Captain Spock strands cadet Kirk on a desolate, icy moon. There Kirk encounters an old Vulcan who just happens to be the original timeline Spock, wisened through time and space.

Old Spock: “Kirk, how did you find me?”

Young Kirk: “Whoa…How did you know my name?”

Old Spock: “I have been and always shall be your friend…”

Herein lies the true climax of the the movie. The audience could have leapt to its feet, for this friendship was what has attracted so many people to Star Trek for generations. It is friendship that will draw and keep a new generation of fans. It was this same friendship that made Star Trek 2: The Wrath of Khan, a fan favorite.

Defining moment of a friendship

Time worn Spock had an agenda when he spoke with this “other” James Kirk. His purpose was not to undo whatever had altered time, but rather to ensure that Kirk and Spock found one another in this universe, not as rivals nor as obstacles to be overcome, but rather as friends. Old Spock knew that they needed one another.

As a Christian, I immediately thought of the Body of Christ. In the Body of Christ we need one another. Each member of the Enterprise crew had been strategically placed. Each cadet had a role to fulfill. Each cadet had duties which had been put forth before them. All that each member of Enterprise needed to do was walk in them. In short, each crew member had a place, a role, and a purpose set before him. Scotty was placed as engineer. Uhura was placed as the communications officer. McCoy, the doctor, as the tormented, walking conscience of the crew.

So too is it with the Body of Christ:

The human body has many parts, but the many parts make up one whole body. So it is with the body of Christ. Some of us are Jews, some are Gentiles,some are slaves, and some are free. But we have all been baptized into one body by one Spirit, and we all share the same Spirit. Yes, the body has many different parts, not just one part.  If the foot says, “I am not a part of the body because I am not a hand,” that does not make it any less a part of the body.  And if the ear says, “I am not part of the body because I am not an eye,” would that make it any less a part of the body? If the whole body were an eye, how would you hear? Or if your whole body were an ear, how would you smell anything?

1Corinthians 12:12-17

As I watched the movie unfold, it was apparent that each member depended on the other members of the Enterprise.  If one member faltered, then there were dire consequences. For instance, if Chekhov had not configured the transporter so that it could lock on moving objects, then Sulu and Kirk would have fallen to their deaths on the surface of Vulcan. I could expound on this matter ad nauseum.

As in the Body of Christ, each member - even a teenager - has a vital role.

In the Body of Christ, each member is placed, knit in love together. The crew of the Enterprise was not yet knit together in love. They had yet to be tested. They were building relationships. Before this diverse group of people could function well together, for the benefit of all, they had to learn how to love one another.

Paul understood this about the local church. He wrote about it in Colossians.

I want them to be encouraged and knit together by strong ties of love. Colossians 2:2

This was especially true of Spock and Kirk. If these two men were to ever grow together, being knit together in love, Kirk had to violate Spock’s rules. Kirk had to penetrate Spock’s hard heart, so that trust could be built. The barriers - the willful walls, had to come tumbling down.

The scene where Kirk moves Spock to violence closely parallels the scene where school-aged Spock beats up the bullies who taunt him about his human mother and traitor father. All of Spock’s rage surfaces, an act which disqualifies him as able to command Enterprise. What is a seeming defeat for Spock and a victory for Kirk is actually a victory for all.

Sometimes friendship needs some conflict

Kirk had the skills and character which made him a more suitable captain than regulation bound Spock, while Spock complemented Kirk, bringing reason and stability to the emotion-driven man.

So the movie ends with the youthful Kirk and Spock learning to appreciate one another. Each member of Enterprise was strategically placed while growing closer in purpose - becoming unified. Though this crew has a lot to learn about each other, the viewer is left with a sense of confidence that they will somehow become the close knit - dare I say even loving - crew found in the alternate timeline. The question of how they become unified in love is all that lies open to ponder.

As for the church, how do we plan to maintain the unity given through the Spirit for “we have all been baptized into one body by one Spirit, and we all share the same Spirit“?

I think that the answer lies in Ephesians 3:16-19. Unity is maintained through dependence on the power of the Spirit.

I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.

Perhaps Spock should have said it this way:

“Love long (wide, high and deep) and prosper.”

Just a thought. Perhaps we as a church have something to learn from this extended, modern parable.

Tags: featured, movies

Ever have one of those dreams that you can’t just shake out of your head? I had one of those last night. It was so real and actually sort of funny - not, “haha” funny, but the sort of funny where you hope it was a joke because, if not, then something is way messed up - like Fargo messed up. Anyway the dream went something like this.

Steve and I decide to buy this decrepit farmhouse. The siding was rough wood, sort of like a barn might have, but stained dark. The front door was huge and was accessible from the street while the back of the house seemed built up high on what seemed like stilts. The yard below had toys and debris strewn about here and there. The property went on for miles, the boundary hidden by a small wooded area. I suppose this must have been our “dream home.”

Steve and I bought a house sort of like this one

The interior was vast with raised ceilings. The previous owners had left the house filled with their possessions. This place was a treasure trove of furniture, kitchen ware, knick-knacks, not to mention fashion accessories.

Maybe the house itself isn’t so odd or unusual. I’m sure we’ve all had dreams about crazy places that we were living in, but this dream was more than that. It was full of people from my church.

This is when things get weird. I am sorting through children’s toys. In the corner of the main living space was a toy kitchenette and an assortment of plastic pink tea cups and plates. Jell-O jiggler molds were strewn among the tea set. I turn to Dr. Hugs who suggests that I dispose of the tea set. I state that I am going to keep these things for young girls that come over to play since we purchased this place for ministry.

Joel and I continue to sort through vast amounts of crap. It is exhausting. Next thing I know, Kat comes in the room with a catalogue or pamphlet. She begins to page through it, showing Joel what she has selected. I ask what they need.

Kat says, “A new heart for Joel.” They are calm and jovial as they page through the booklet.

Kathryn helps Joel get a new heart.

I am a bit confused, even worried, but I don’t ask any questions. They seemed to be really having a good time picking out his new heart. I figure that heart shopping must be normal.

A hoard of boys, led by Wonder, comes rushing down the staircase and floods into the kitchen. Like grasshoppers, they devour whatever they can find. As quickly as they entered the kitchen, they leave headed for the backyard. I barely raise an eyebrow to this chaotic event. Focused, I continue to sort through all this crap.

Ms. Wonder and I are now going through Christmas ornaments and decorations. She asks if she can take I few of the items home. “No problem.” I reply. 

Then, a shopping cart full of handbags rolls by and I run to see what is being removed from the house. Amy, Mel, Andie and Kat are making a quick exit for the front door. I rush to the door to bar their exit.

“What is going on here?” I demand. One of the women tells me that they need these bags, “It’s a matter of life and death.” they clamor. I counter that these items are going to be sold for ministry and if anyone gets to take a bag it will be me. (Okay, clearly I am a bit narcissistic.)

Then Amy chimes in, “You can’t even name the designer of any of these bags.”

Who knew I could name a handbag design?

Steve enters and says the girls can take them if they want and I go ballistic, “Vera Wang!” I shout. “That is a Vera Wang bag and no one is keeping any of this stuff for themselves - not without paying for it.” I am so angry at everyone at this point.

Joel approaches me and begins to whisper something in my ear. I don’t understand what he said except that something will happen at sixteen. I am so confused by that because what does that even mean. What does he want me to do at “sixteen?”

Suddenly, there is a knock at the front door and a woman who looks a lot like one of the Golden Girls enters the vast living room. She is outraged by the ruckus caused by the numerous teenagers and also annoyed by their cars parked in the grassy lawn. I try to explain that we moved into this old farmhouse in order to do ministry and that they boys were welcomed on our property.

I was again confused how she was able to hear anything since her place was across this stream from our place, not to mention that she looked so aged. She was adamant that we cease the commotion or pay a price.

Meanwhile, Joel keeps tapping at his watch and mumbling something about sixteen. Sixteen what? He insists that something big is going down at “sixteen.” Next thing I know, Nicole is high tailing it down to the yard with a crate full of holiday decor. I just throw my hands up into the air. Everyone is too caught up with the stuff and the details. I have lost all semblence of control. Somehow the “big picture” has been lost - that being that this place was for ministry and that we were going to sell these things to run the place. I surrender.

I look up and Joel’s arm is extended, his watch is placed in my line of vision. “Sixteen,” he reminds me.

“Huh, Okay?” I stammer.

Can anyone tell me what happens at 16?

My alarm interrupts. The farmhouse vanishes and with it the ridiculous behavior of our Home Church. I’m sure it really doesn’t  mean any thing important, yet it was so vivid. I ponder my apparent surrender. I’m okay with that.

One thing though is bugging me. I can’t figure out why. Does anyone know what will happen at sixteen?

Faithfulness. Duty. Obligation. These qualities are something that I embrace. Those who possess such a character are worthy and good. Right?

I was the dutiful daughter. From the fourth grade I did the laundry and mowed the lawn. Later, I came home and did my schoolwork. At times I watched my brothers and helped to make dinner. By middle school I had mastered dusting, ironing, vacuuming, as well as toilet bowls. I even made dinner at least 2 nights a week. By high school I added to my merits, employment, 4.0 GPA, volleyball, not to mention looking after an infant brother. I was a picture of duty and responsibility and I liked it that way. I felt some how superior to all around me for I could succeed and do well. They were all flawed and below par.

My brothers on the other hand were unruly and messy. They found trouble every where they went. They were some how happier than I. That just confounded me. I was the dutiful daughter. Why didn’t mom fret over me and pay attention to me? I was doing everything right. Why did she praise their good hearts over my service? Was not doing things well showing love?

So I leave high school and enter into the world of college. I was duty bound to do well in school and I did - for a while. Gradually there was a change in my perspective. A new world opened up to me. One without rules and it was like the wild west for me. So, many new realms to conquer. I knew I could do it - I could hang with the water polo team and not get burned. I could run wild across the Oval playing Frisbee football and still make it to class. No one could stop us - we had bikinis on and Miller Light in the cooler. Life had never been better. Who cared if I wasn’t going to Calculus. It was Spring quarter of my freshman year at The Ohio State University.

Ah, those are my prodigal roots. It only got worse into my sophomore year. With all my hard work squandered away, I now had opted to work in bars so I could have money to party and to buy whatever I desired. Life was good. Or at least it felt that way for a while. I felt lost and so full of guilt.

I was so grateful when I went to that first meeting. It was a home church meeting in Columbus. People were really connecting with one another. I was bewildered by the sense of love in the room. It wasn’t lust either. It was genuine care and concern - people were loving one another fervently from the heart. Their love boiled over and spilled into the lives of everyone in the room - especially me. My heart was moved. I was lost, but now was found.

God brought me back into His fold. I had forgotten how grateful I was to the Lord for saving me and once again my joy of salvation had been renewed. I resisted at first - but the love of God through His body is a powerful force. Oh the joy of salvation.

I keep thinking about the parable of the prodigal son. This son squandered away so much and yet he knew just how good and loving his father was. He didn’t hesitate to return home. He knew just how unworthy he was. He wanted to go home to serve in his father’s estate - even as a lowly servant. He ran home leaving behind his useless life.

Go Prodigal - embrace your roots

The other brother - who had served dutifully all the while was resentful that his father welcomed this irresponsible brat. He was outraged that this punk’s returned was celebrated. When was he going to get the recognition and glory that was owed to him for all his great sacrifice? How he seethed inside his heart.

Go prodigal. Embrace your roots. This is the joy of service. Will it hurt? Probably. Is it worth it. Definitely. Will you fail? You bet your bippy. The prodigal son understood something so precious that his older more dutiful brother did not. He understood how great the love of his father was - he wanted to be part of that world. A world where screw ups like him would be welcomed and honored as a son. This is the kingdom of God.

The kingdom of God is like nothing else. For those bound by duty and obligation, it is difficult to make sense of. That is just the point, I think. The rules are so contrary to the way things work out in our culture. Just because you do the expected or work hard doesn’t mean that you are a son or a daughter.

Love. Knowing and understanding that you are unworthy of love or any favor, yet knowing that God cares for you and accepts you - even if you squander it all, this is how God’s Kingdom is.

I know that I have sinful and unrealistic expectations of myself and of others. I know that I can only love people through Christ Jesus. I know that my life is going to be unruly and messy just like my brothers were. I also know that I will be happy and fulfilled - probably confounded - but God will create a new heart within me. And that is what is so amazing about grace.

I gotta go - it’s time to embrace my prodigal roots.

Pope and Pemp. These are the names my two youngest sons have given to each other. Over the years, these are the familiar monikers which we use with affection when engaging one another.

Pope is the elder of these two boys. Pemp is two years his minor almost to the day. These brothers share a room as well as something more profound and don’t quite know what to do about it. They share a life. They have a relationship.

At times they play and create the most amazing adventures. Dominos lined up, back to back, cascade up and down the stairs. A maze of tiny monoliths scattered throughout our living space. They tip-toe, careful not to knock over hours of cooperative efforts. They really do enjoy being together.

Togetherness. This is what gives them so much joy and yet too causes so much grief and conflict. Last night was full of anger, hate, and sorrow. They had had “enough” of each other.

The boys sat on the couch, poking at each other and using a list of profanity that was surprisingly violent. “F-erface!” one boy yells. The other sings back, “Pemper - crappy pants, you like trouble-pants, Pemper, crappy-pants.” They intensify the battle with hateful words, tearing at each other much like ravenous wolves. Wounded by bitter barbs, they frantically hurl worsening insults at each other. Tempers flare. The manipulation heightens.

I pull out the only weapon available to me in the heat of this slaughter. The mom voice booms throughout the room. “STOP IT NOW!” They seem to not hear me. I grab the youngest by the arm, staring into his eyes. “I said to STOP. You are violent and this is not going any further. SHUT YOUR MOUTH.” Pope continues to sing. “That includes you and I know you can control your mouth. If not, I’m sure I can help you with it.” I quip.

I hold both of their attentions now. I stammer for the right, most implactful words. They stare blankly at me. I need to act - now. I ask them if they like each other. They willingly admit that they do not. Those once vicious warriors, now begin to whine and to complain, each accusing the other of atrocities and pathetically pleading for their own innocence. They know that I have power over them to make their lives miserable.

Sibling relationships - they need tools to resolve conflict

“So, you both seem to really hate each other.” I observe.

“Yes,” the older agrees. “I wish Pemp was out of my life.”

I turn to the younger boy, ” How do you feel about Pope?”

“I wish he were gone. I am tired of him singing that song about me. He makes me so angry.”

“So, you hate Noah?” I ask, trying to clarify their feelings.

“Yep, we hate each other.” They nod in agreement.

“Ok, so what if on your way to school tomorrow, Pemp crosses the street only to get run over by a truck. He’s dead or dying. How do you feel?”

Noah begins to weep. “No!” he cries out.

I turn to Henry, “What if a bus creams Noah on your way home? Would that get him out of your life?” Henry turns white and begins to weep. “Well,” I continue, “that would get him out of your life, right?”

Both boys cling to each other and start to weep. “Oh,” I observe. “You appear to care about each other. I see that you both don’t really hate each other - not completely. You both would feel horrible if one of you died or nearly died.”

They begin to weep and tell each other that they loved one another. They are no longer hard towards one another. Their hearts have softened. At that moment, all they care about was being together. I seize the moment.

“I think you both really do love one another. You just don’t know how to work out your conflicts. I think you both need to talk about why you are so hurt so that you can be free to enjoy your time with each other.” I pause and wait to see a small miracle.

The barriers come tumbling down. It’s one of the most beautiful moments that I have had with them in quite some time. They were afraid to talk about their feelings. They were confused, embarrassed - even afraid that they could never change. One even feared he was going to hell because he was doomed to be hateful. I understood feeling all of those things. Poor dear boys, my heart just ached for them, but I rejoiced even more. They were talking and sharing from the heart. It was one of those magical moments that only a parent can appreciate - one of those joy and pain moments.

The evening ended with Pemp, Pope and I playing a silly game called Pass the Pigs. I won. Funny, though I may have won the game,  these boys are the ones who had the victory. It was a victory of redemptive love. I hope to build on that moment - to use it in equipping them to build a deeper relationship.

A game played together - proof that pigs can play together like men

I could go back and second guess how I handled it. Did I go to far with pulling out the DEATH card? Maybe. God used my flawed efforts anyway. The boys were so joyful as they got ready for bed. Neither boy even cared that they had lost the game (which is in itself a miraculous event). It was evident that they knew in their hearts that they had won.

And that’s alright with me! Jesus is just alright with me. Sing it Doobie Brothers!

Jesus is just alright with me, Jesus is just alright, oh yeah
Jesus is just alright with me, Jesus is just alright
I don’t care what they may say
I don’t care what they may do
I don’t care what they may say
Jesus is just alright, oh yeah
Jesus is just alright

Of all the salty snacks, popcorn is my favorite. However you pop it, whether with oil, air or microwave, I just love it. Serve it with a dash of lemon salt or a sprinkle of parmesan cheese. Delicious. Don’t even talk about coating it with toffee or caramel. It must be one of the best foods God created.

Popcorn. God’s Word is like popcorn. It’s always good - no matter what the occasion. I just love to eat it up. Morning (especially when it’s leftovers and stale. Mmmmm), noon and night! I think I could never tire of popcorn.

There’s only one drawback to popcorn - the hulls! Sometimes understanding the truth - God’s word -  can be a lot like stuck popcorn. You need to be willing to exert some effort so that truth can be extracted and brought into the light so that some issue in your life doesn’t fester and halt your spiritual vitality. Sometimes a kernel of truth just gets plain stuck.

For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it. Luke 9:24

Have you ever had a thought stuck in your head, wedged tightly inside like a popcorn kernel that is jammed between your teeth? Try to dislodge the kernel with your tongue. Poking and prodding, it burrows deeper into your gums. Your efforts are futile. You deceive yourself, believing that it is no longer there, only to find this hull as the source of tender irritation. In quiet desperation, you grab for a tooth pick or some dental floss. The source of the discomfort must be removed or decay is sure to follow. Floss works with popcorn hulls, but I have yet to find an easy remedy for what ails an unsettled spirit.

For several weeks I have been wrestling with the reality of failure. Real or perceived, failure in relationships stands out as paramount. I realize that I have a choice to make. Everyday we each have a choice to make, whether we are conscious of it or not. That choice is between two kingdoms, the kingdom of God and the kingdom of the ruler of this present world - who is Satan. As free-willed believers, we can choose what is important and how we are going to pursue significance.

In God’s kingdom, things are topsy-turvy. The least are the greatest and the greatest are the least. The kingdom of God belongs to children. In Jesus’ day children were not valued. They were not considered worthy of learning the law  until they were 12 or 13, and that was for boys. If you’re a girl, forget having any worth, except as a potential incubator for more sons, who just so happen to be men. His kingdom is for those deemed of no value by the world. The Kingdom of God is for middle-aged housewives.

In our culture, we grab and claw for what we deserve. I deserve a nice house with a patio heater and a fenced in yard for my kids. I deserve the best HDTV that money can buy. What that’s not a blue ray! What’s wrong with you? Why don’t you have TiVo? How can you live that way? The world says, “To be a success you must have the best. The best house, the best car, the best stuff and yes, the best, smartest and hottest spouse with exceptional kids to match.”

The Kingdom of God says, “Give your life away. Give your very self away. Here, take my life. I am so thankful. I deserve nothing.” In God’s Kingdom you give up your “rights” and the needs of others surpass your own. The world says, “Give me, give me, give me more! Damn it! I deserve! I am important and you are going to acknowledge just how great I am.” But there is deeper, more striking, difference between the Kingdom of God and the world. This difference has to do with how we relate with one another. It has to do with love.

“The kingdom of God is near! The kingdom of God has come to you.”This was the message Jesus preached to those He physically healed.  He came to make them whole - to make them born of spirit. This mission involved great sacrifice and a life lived without protective boundaries. A life lived for the Kingdom of God is not afraid of being hurt. It is not paralyzed by failure or suffering. It is a life overflowing with joy and exuding love. Like the man who sold everything for a pearl, this person is willing to give everything away - for the Kingdom of God is just that precious.

How can a person be of the Kingdom of God and still be unwilling to suffer for the only thing worth living - that being a life given totally to Christ and a role in ushering in His Kingdom? Why is suffering something, we as believers, are unwilling to endure - well, at least not for very long. Also, why do we accept one form of suffering? Endure it? Persevere with quiet dignity, and yet, another area of our lives is totally off limits? Or we reason, “Surely, Lord I have suffered in that area of my life more than enough.  Thank you very much. Let’s move along to this other more preferable - dare I say pleasant pain.” “Why can’t we choose?” Isn’t all suffering - suffering?

I have heard it said, “Only a cause worth dying for is truly worth living for.” The disciples learned this as they followed behind Jesus. His suffering led Him to die upon the cross. You see, He had a kingdom to establish here on the earth. Jesus had to suffer and to die in order to bring about a new plan. The disciples too learned that the Kingdom of God was the only thing worth living for - they also believed that God’s Kingdom was worth dying for. Nearly all were martyred.

The old plan was corrupt - imperfect and defiled by its very origins. It was built through and by the systems of the this fallen world. Its structures and rules were put in place long ago when Adam and Eve first followed their own desires to be like God, usurping His benevolent authority. Adam and Eve had bought into the Kingdom of Satan. Christ came to buy them out so that they could be of the Kingdom of God.

So the Kingdom of God is not only near, it is now. It is right now - especially in the presence of a body of believers. Not only are we to go out and share, under the authority and through the power of Christ, the Good News of salvation for all mankind, but we are also here to love one another fervently from the heart. We can experience the kingdom of God right now at this very moment in all circumstances.

God set up the structure of the church to meet our relational needs. Marriage closely mimics this structure, but it is not (as many believe) the fountainhead. The church is His body and is designed to meet one another’s needs. Marriage is good at meeting needs, but it can neither be as effective nor redemptive as the church is in meeting these needs. If I am fearful, concerned about saving myself from pain or the possibility of hurting someone because of my sin, then I am unwilling to step out into the realm of the Kingdom of God. Self-protective, I am unavailable to God. I have sided with the world. This is losing your life - the beautiful abundant life that Christ promised to those who belong to Him. Fear squelches love and joy is absent.

Love. God’s Kingdom can be summed up in four letters. Am I willing to lay my life down for those in this Body of Christ? Am I willing to trust God through faith and invest in others to the point of risking shame and failure? The greatest shame is being prideful and unwilling to suffer for the sake of another. Such a great loss it is to not be available to the work of God.

There are the perks to consider as well. Mark 10:28-30:

Peter said to him, “We have left everything to follow you!” “I tell you the truth,” Jesus replied, “no one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the gospel ³⁰will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age (homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields—and with them, persecutions) and in the age to come, eternal life.”

Recently, I was lamenting about what I had “given up” to do some ministry. I looked back with fondness to a former way of living. I did all the special things Mommy should do with and for her kids. Be the room mother for Holiday parties, make those teacher gifts, craft home-made Christmas gifts for Grandparents, bake goods for school lunches, start from seed organically grown veggies and can produce in order to line the pantry shelves. I could go an and on with this list. Today I do very little of these “good mommy things.” My cry was that of Peter’s.

As I pick at this kernel wedged within my flesh, I realized that I am just beginning to live the abundant life. I have a glimpse of it here and there. It is so precious … truly it it more valuable than the things I did and lived before. I have a new sense of worth and it is not about making order out of chaos. In fact, if the truth be known, it is more chaotic than I ever thought I could bear and yet at the same time it all seems so much more clear - far more substantial than strawberry jam and canned applesauce - far more lasting. 

Do I have a clue what I am doing in pursuing ministry - growing in depth, breadth, height of love? Yes, I do - but it is not from myself at all (and I don’ t always do as I ought). I find that wisdom in the Word and through relationships and from spending time in prayer. Now, I am not saying that I get it. This Kingdom of God can still be such a mystery to me, but I am seeing more clearly how the pieces fit together. One piece at a time - the picture becomes more clear. The more I work with one piece I see how it fits with the others. 

Now that is better than TiVo any day.

Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm. 

 - Winston Churchill

Death as failure

If any leader could understand contending with failure and with bearing the weight of the criticism of the watching world, then Churchill fits the bill. He authorized the brutal bombing of Dresden, Germany. There are those who say that he should have been charged with a war crime due to the high loss of civilian life. I have read that the bodies of children were stacked seven to eight high as mass burials were prepared. Death - this must be what failure looks like. The world gasps in horror and sneers with mockery. Yet, Churchill continued as a brilliant, stable leader.

Under the leadership of the Lord, failure is anything but a lack of success. Often when faced with immanent failure, we as Christians comfort ourselves with Romans 8:28, 29.

 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them called according to his purpose. For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son.

God’s purpose for our life is that we are to be made in his image - not to follow in the image of Adam - who fell away from relying on God and on God’s way of life. Adam became self-sufficient and self-centered. He had become dead in his sin. His life source had been cut off when he made this decision to follow His own plan. God desires to give us life - a life lived centered on Christ, who is now our life source. Christ wants to put the Old Adam to death and to give new, abundant life.

Often we become confused and childishly reason that some how our lives will work out the way that we desire. We love the Lord and He loves us as His children. What Father allows His children to suffer? Why should we experience loss - least of all failure? Why shouldn’t I have a “good life?”

In humility, we need to realize that Romans 8 is not telling us that the “future is so bright I gotta wear shades,” but rather acknowledge that God is working things out for our good and that good is to be conformed to the image of His Son, Christ Jesus. It is not about an absence of pain, suffering or failure. It is about becoming a new creation. That process involves more than a few bumps and bruises. That process involves death.

One way that God transforms our person is through failure - complete, abject failure. So often Christians just freak out and “lose it” because someone might notice just how freaking screwed up we are. Someone might just realize that I am one messed up dude. What then? Oh the horror of it all!

When we resist accepting our complete inability to succeed and to love others maturely, this is the true tragedy and loss. That is the genuine horror. For it is through the instrument of failure that God crafts and molds us as new creatures. Why the fight? Why all the rationalization and hysteria?

As a parent, I get the rationalizing and the freak sessions. What will others think? They will know I can’t do it. People will know that I don’t have it all together. I will be exposed as a fool and as weak. People may even talk about me. What if my parents were right about me? Just thinking about this makes my head explode.

God often uses the failures in our lives to turn us away from our self-dependence toward the living-giving source, who is Christ. Paul knew this well, “It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me.” “No longer I, but Christ.”

God takes a wild, unruly natural man and breaks him down. God disciplines those that He loves. Failure is a huge part of that breaking. Failure prepares the servant of the Lord to love those that are “unlovable.” Before such breaking there would have never been patience or compassion for the weak. Through our suffering and failings the Lord transforms the haughty to humble pillars of gentle strength.

Last night my heart was troubled deeply as a sister in the Lord shared her struggles. I was terribly afraid for her and what lay before her. I wanted to take this burden from her. I sat in prayer and spent some time with the Lord.

I know that the Lord has great plans. Huge decisions - even suffering lay before this dear sister. This pain lay before all who seek out the Lord and who desire to become complete in Him. Indeed, the Lord has a great plan for her life - plan where he desires to transform her into something greater than she could ever be without this hurt. Of this, I am certain.

I think of Peter. He had just denied Christ and ran away like a pansy. What a failure this brash man was. Everyone knew it. Christ did an amazing thing. He entrusted Peter with the church. Jesus handed the shepherding of his flock to Peter - the one who had failed so greatly. Christ could have commissioned John with this mighty responsibility or any of the other disciples, but He entrusted the church to Peter.

That just blows my mind. Peter had to fall hard into the pit of despairing failure. His character - his person - was radically changed by this experience. The Holy Spirit surely strengthened it. So many lives were changed by the transformed, shepherding Peter.

So should we hide, deny or be ashamed of our failings? Never, by no means! Paul himself boasted in his short-comings:

If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness.

As Paul, so too ought we shout out our inadequacies and confess our failings to one another. For God knows what great plans he has for your life as His loved son or daughter. Then next time you mess up royally and fail - don’t sweat it, you’re in good company. God used Peter and he will use you as well. So the next time you fail, do it with enthusiasm.

Nurse suspension over prayer ‘could lead to thousands more’

Primary school receptionist ‘facing sack’ after daughter talks about Jesus to classmate

Christian foster mother struck off after Muslim girl converts

Too Christian or Too Narrow?

These are the headlines that have been receiving some media coverage in Britain lately. What do they all have in common? Well, individuals are being censured or facing job loss due to sharing their Christian religious views with those they encounter while on the “job.” Just more evidence of the “end of days,” some evangelicals would agree.

Britain, a country that considers itself primarily Christian, appears to be distancing itself from the open practice of faith. Is this the beginning of a disturbing trend in Britain or just a reflection of what the culture is demanding - total separation of church and state? What about an individual’s right, as a citizen, to the freedom of speech and the freedom of religion?

The secular world is not the only one playing the “Big Brother” card. Even the Church of England has ruled that its members cannot join a  political group that supports views contrary to the church beliefs on racial equality. Just another law or rule rearing its ugly head within institutional Christianity?

So what does this all mean? Has there been an increase in cases against those in America who openly share their faith - any faith? Or is Christianity the only faith deemed worthy of protesting?

On the surface it appears that Christians are targeted for censure. Are Muslim expressions of religion censored? What about atheists? The glaring question is this, “What are we as evangelical Christians to make of all of these recent events?”